英语话剧剧本Pygmalion
英语话剧剧本Pygmalion
PygmalionACTI
CoventGardenat11.15p.m.Torrentsofheavysummerrain.Cabwhistlelowingfranticallyinalldirectio.PedestriaruingforshelterintothemarketandundertheporticoofSt.Paul’sChurch,wheretherearealreadyseveralpeople,amongthemaladyandherdaughterineveningdre.Theyareallpeeringoutgloomilyattherain,exceptonemanwithhiackturnedtotherest,whoseemswhollypreoccupiedwithanotebookinwhichheiswritingbusily.Thechurchclockstrikesthefirstquarter.
THEDAUGHTER
[intheacebetweenthecentralpillars,closetotheoneonherleft]I’mgettingchilledtothebone.WhatcanFreddybedoingallthistime?Heeengonetwentyminutes.
THEMOTHER
[Onherdaughter’sright]Notsolong.Butheoughttohavegotusacaythis.
ABYSTANDER
[onthelady’sright]Hewontgetnocaotuntilhalf-pasteleven,mius,whentheycomebackafterdroingtheirtheatrefares.
THEMOTHER
Butwemusthaveacab.Wecantstandhereuntilhalf-pasteleven.It’stoobad.
THEBYSTANDER
Well,itaintmyfault,mius.
THEDAUGHTER
IfFreddyhadabitofgumption,hewouldhavegotoneatthetheatredoor.
THEMOTHER
Whatcouldhehavedone,poorboy?
THEDAUGHTER
Otherpeoplegotca.Whycouldnthe?
FreddyrushesinoutoftherainfromtheSouthamptotrกeetside,andcomeetweenthemclosingadriingumbrella.Heisayoungmanoftwenty,ineveningdre,verywetaroundtheankles.
THEDAUGHTER
Well,havntyougotacab?
FREDDY
Thereotonetobehadforloveormoney.
THEMOTHER
Oh,Freddy,theremustbeone.Youcanthavetried.
THEDAUGHTER
It’stootiresome.Doyouexpectustogoandgetoneourselves?
FREDDY
Itellyoutheyreallengaged.Therainwaosudden:nobodywarepared;andeverybodyhadtotakeacab.IvebeentoCharingCroonewayandnearlytoLudgateCircustheother;andtheywereallengaged.
THEMOTHER
DidyoutryTrafalgarSquare?
FREDDY
TherewatoneatTrafalgarSquare.
THEDAUGHTER
Didyoutry?
FREDDY
ItriedasfarasCharingCrotation.DidyouexpectmetowalktoHammersmith?
THEDAUGHTER
Youhavnttriedatall.
THEMOTHER
Youreallyareveryhelple,Freddy.Goagaianddontcomebackuntilyouhavefoundacab.
FREDDY
Ishallsimplygetsoakedfornothing.
THEDAUGHTER
Andwhataboutus?Arewetostayhereallnightinthisdraught,withnexttonothingon.Youselfishpig--
FREDDY
Oh,verywell:I’llgo,I’llgo.[HeopehisumbrellaanddashesoffStrandwards,butcomesintocollisionwithaflowergirl,whoishurryinginforshelter,knockingherbasketoutofherhands.Ablindingflashoflightning,followeditantlybyarattlingpealofthunder,orchestratestheincident].
THEFLOWERGIRL
Nahthen,Freddy:lookwh’y’gowin,deah.
FREDDY
Sorry[herushesoff].
THEFLOWERGIRL
[pickingupherscatteredflowersandreplacingtheminthebasket]Theresmeersf’yer!Te-oobanchesovoyletstrodintothemad.[Shesitsdownontheplinthofthecolumn,sortingherflowers,onthelady’sright.Sheiotatallanattractiveperson.Sheierhaeighteen,perhatwenty,hardlyolder.ShewearsalittlesailorhatofblackstrawthathaslongbeenexposedtothedustandsootofLondonandhaeldomifeverbeerushed.Herhairneedswashingratherbadly:itsmousycolorcanhardlybenatural.Shewearsashoddyblackcoatthatreacheearlytoherkneesandihapedtoherwaist.Shehasabrowkirtwithacoarseapron.Herbootsaremuchtheworseforwear.Sheiodoubtascleanahecanaffordtobeutcomparedtotheladieheisverydirty.Herfeaturesarenoworsethantheiruttheirconditionleaveomethingtobedesired;andsheneedstheservicesofadentist].
THEMOTHER
Howdoyouknowthatmyson’ameisFreddy,pray?
THEFLOWERGIRL
Ow,eezye-ooasan,ise?Wal,fewddany’de-ootybawmzamathershould,eednowbetterntoawlaporegel’sflahrznthanranawyathahtpyin.Willye-oopymef’them?[Here,withapologies,thisdeerateattempttorepresentherdialectwithoutaphoneticalphabetmustbeabandonedasunintelligibleoutsideLondon.]
THEDAUGHTER
Donothingofthesort,mother.Theidea!
THEMOTHER
Pleaseallowme,Clara.Haveyouanypeies?
THEDAUGHTER
No.I’venothingsmallerthaixpence.
THEFLOWERGIRL
[hopefully]Icangiveyouchangeforataer,kindlady.
THEMOTHER
[toClara]Giveittome.[Clarapartsreluctantly].Now[tothegirl]Thisisforyourflowers.
THEFLOWERGIRL
Thankyoukindly,lady.
THEDAUGHTER
Makehergiveyouthechange.Thesethingsareonlyapeyabunch.
THEMOTHER
Doholdyourtongue,Clara.[Tothegirl].Youcankeepthechange.
THEFLOWERGIRL
Oh,thankyou,lady.
THEMOTHER
Nowtellmehowyouknowthatyounggentleman’ame.
THEFLOWERGIRL
Ididnt.
THEMOTHER
Iheardyoucallhimbyit.Donttrytodeceiveme.
THEFLOWERGIRL
[protesting]Whostryingtodeceiveyou?IcalledhimFreddyorCharliesameasyoumightyourselfifyouwastalkingtoastrangerandwishedtobepleasant.[Shesitsdowesideherbasket].
THEDAUGHTER
Sixpencethrownaway!Really,mamma,youmighthavearedFreddythat.[Sheretreatsindisgustbehindthepillar].
Anelderlygentlemanoftheamiablemilitarytyperushesintoshelter,andclosesadriingumbrella.HeisinthesameplightasFreddy,verywetabouttheankles.Heisineveningdre,withalightovercoat.Hetakestheplaceleftvacantbythedaughter’sretirement.
THEGENTLEMAN
Phew!
THEMOTHER
[tothegentleman]Oh,sir,isthereanysignofittoing?
THEGENTLEMAN
I’mafraidnot.Itstartedworsethaneverabouttwominutesago.[Hegoestotheplinthbesidetheflowergirlutsuphisfootonit;andstoototurndownhistrouserends].
THEMOTHER
Oh,dear![Sheretireadlyandjoiherdaughter].
THEFLOWERGIRL
[takingadvantageofthemilitarygentleman’roximitytoestablishfriendlyrelatiowithhim].Ifit’sworseit’sasignit’earlyover.Socheerup,Captaiandbuyafloweroffapoorgirl.
THEGENTLEMAN
I’msorry,Ihavntanychange.
THEFLOWERGIRL
Icangiveyouchange,Captain.
THEGENTLEMEN
Forasovereign?Ivenothingle.
THEFLOWERGIRL
Garn!Ohdobuyafloweroffme,Captain.Icanchangehalf-a-crown.Takethisfortuence.
THEGENTLEMAN
Nowdontbetroublesome:theresagoodgirl.[Tryinghiockets]Ireallyhavntanychange--Stop:heresthreehapence,ifthatsanyusetoyou[heretreatstotheotherpillar].
THEFLOWERGIRL
[disaointed,butthinkingthreehalfpencebetterthaothing]Thankyou,sir.
THEBYSTANDER
[tothegirl]Youbecareful:givehimaflowerforit.Theresablokeherebehindtakingdowneverybleedwordyouresaying.[Allturntothemanwhoistakingnotes].
THEFLOWERGIRL
[ringingupterrified]Iaintdonenothingwrongbyeakingtothegentleman.IvearighttosellflowersifIkeepoffthekerb.[Hysterically]I’mareectablegirl:sohelpme,Ineveroketohimexcepttoaskhimtobuyafloweroffme.[Generalhuub,mostlysympathetictotheflowergirl,butdeprecatingherexceiveseibility.CriesofDontstarthollerin.Whoshurtingyou?Nobody’sgoingtotouchyou.Whatsthegoodoffuing?Steadyon.Easy,easy,etc.,comefromtheelderlystaidectators,whopathercomfortingly.Leatientoneidhershutherhead,oraskherroughlywhatiswrongwithher.Aremotergroup,notknowingwhatthematteris,crowdinandincreasethenoisewithquestionandawer:Whatstherow?Whatshedo?Whereishe?Atectakingherdown.What!him?Yes:himoverthere:Tookmoneyoffthegentleman,etc.Theflowergirl,distraughtandmoed,breaksthroughthemtothegentleman,cryingwildly]Oh,sir,dontlethimchargeme.Youduowhatitmeatome.Theylltakeawaymycharacteranddrivemeonthestreetsforeakingtogentlemen.They--
THENOTETAKER
[comingforwardonherright,therestcrowdingafterhim]There,there,there,there!whoshurtingyou,yousillygirl?Whatdoyoutakemefor?
THEBYSTANDER
It’sallright:hesagentleman:lookathioots.[Explainingtothenotetaker]Shethoughtyouwasacoer’ark,sir.
THENOTETAKER
[withquickinterest]Whatsacoer’ark?
THEBYSTANDER
[inaptatdefinition]It’sa--well,it’sacoer’ark,asyoumightsay.Whatelsewouldyoucallit?Asortofinformer.
THEFLOWERGIRL
[stillhysterical]ItakemyBibleoathIneversaidaword--
TH유ENOTETAKER
[overbearingbutgood-humored]Oh,shutup,shutup.DoIlooklikeapoliceman?
THEFLOWERGIRL
[farfromreaured]Thenwhatdidyoutakedownmywordsfor?HowdoIknowwhetheryoutookmedownright?Youjustshewmewhatyouvewroteaboutme.[Thenotetakeropehiookandholdsitsteadilyunderhernose,thoughthepreureofthemobtryingtoreaditoverhihoulderswoulduetaweakerman].Whatsthat?Thataintproperwriting.Icantreadthat.
THENOTETAKER
Ican.[Reads,reproducingherpronunciationexactly]"Cheerap,Kepti’bawyaflahrorfaporegel."
THEFLOWERGIRL
[muchdistreed]It’ecauseIcalledhimCaptain.Imeantnoharm.[Tothegentleman]Oh,sir,dontlethimlayachargeagenmeforawordlikethat.You--
THEGENTLEMAN
Charge!Imakenocharge.[Tothenotetaker]Really,sir,ifyouareadetective,youneednotbegirotectingmeagaitmolestatioyyoungwomenuntilIaskyou.Anybodycouldseethatthegirlmeantnoharm.
THEBYSTANDERSGENERALLY
[demotratingagaitpoliceeionage]Coursetheycould.Whatbusineisitofyours?Youmindyourownaffairs.Hewantromotion,hedoes.Takingdoweople’swords!Girlneversaidawordtohim.Whatharmifshedid?Nicethingagirlcantshelterfromtherainwithoutbeingiulted,etc.,etc.,etc.[Sheisconductedbythemoresympatheticdemotratoracktoherplinth,wheresheresumesherseatandstruggleswithheremotion.]
THEBYSTANDER
Heaintatec.Hesabloomingbusybody:thatswhatheis.Itellyou,lookathioots.
THENOTETAKER
[turningonhimgenially]AndhowareallyourpeopledownatSelsey?
THEBYSTANDER
[suiciously]WhotoldyoumypeoplecomefromSelsey?
THENOTETAKER
Neveryoumind.Theydid.[Tothegirl]Howdoyoucometobeuofareast?YouwereborninLionGrove.
THEFLOWERGIRL
[aalled]Oh,whatharmisthereinmyleavingLionGrove?ItwatfitforapigtoliveiandIhadtopayfour-and-sixaweek.[Intears]Oh,boo--hoo--oo--
THENOTETAKER
Livewhereyoulikeutstopthatnoise.
THEGENTLEMAN
[tothegirl]Come,come!hecanttouchyou:youhavearighttolivewhereyouplease.
ASARCASTICBYSTANDER
[thrustinghimselfbetweenthenotetakerandthegentleman]ParkLane,foritance.IdliketogointotheHousingQuestionwithyou,Iwould.
THEFLOWERGIRL
[suidingintoabroodingmelancholyoverherbasket,andtalkingverylow-iritedlytoherself]I’magoodgirl,Iam.
THESARCASTICBYSTANDER
[notattendingtoher]DoyouknowwhereIcomefrom?
THENOTETAKER
[promptly]Hoxton.
Titterings.Popularinterestinthenotetaker’erformanceincreases.
THESARCASTICONE
[amazed]Well,whosaidIdidnt?Blyme!Youknoweverything,youdo.
THEFLOWERGIRL
[stillnursingherseeofinjury]Aintnocalltomeddlewithme,heaint.
THEBYSTANDER
[toher]Ofcourseheaint.Dontyoustanditfromhim.[Tothenotetaker]Seehere:whatcallhaveyoutoknowaboutpeoplewhatneverofferedtomeddlewithyou?Wheresyourwarrant?
SEVERALBYSTANDERS
[encouragedbythieemingpointoflaw]Yes:wheresyourwarrant?
THEFLOWERGIRL
Lethimsaywhathelikes.Idontwanttohavenotruckwithhim.
THEBYSTANDER
Youtakeusfordirtunderyourfeet,dontyou?Catchyoutakinglibertieswithagentleman!
THESARCASTICBYSTANDER
Yes:tellhimwherehecomefromifyouwanttogofortune-telling.
THENOTETAKER
Cheltenham,Harrow,Cambridge,andIndia.
THEGENTLEMAN
Quiteright.[Greatlaughter.Reactioninthenotetaker’sfavor.ExclamatioofHeknowsallaboutit.Toldhimproper.Hearhimtellthetoffwherehecomefrom?etc.].MayIask,sir,doyoudothisforyourlivingatamusichall?
THENOTETAKER
Ivethoughtofthat.PerhaIshallsomeday.
Therainhatoed;andthepersoontheoutsideofthecrowdbegintodropoff.
THEFLOWERGIRL
[resentingthereaction]Heogentleman,heaint,tointerferewithapoorgirl.
THEDAUGHTER
[outofpatience,pushingherwayrudelytothefrontanddilacingthegentleman,whopolitelyretirestotheothersideofthepillar]WhatonearthisFreddydoing?IshallgeteumoniaifIstayinthisdraughtanylonger.
THENOTETAKER
[tohimself,hastilymakinganoteofherpronunc¿iationof"monia"]Earlscourt.
THEDAUGHTER
[violently]Willyoupleasekeepyourimpertinentremarkstoyourself?
THENOTETAKER
DidIsaythatoutloud?Ididntmeanto.Ibegyourpardon.Yourmother’sEom,unmistakeably.
THEMOTHER
[advancingbetweenherdaughterandthenotetaker]Howverycurious!IwaroughtupinLargeladyPark,nearEom.
THENOTETAKER
[uproariouslyamused]Ha!ha!Whatadevilofaname!Excuseme.[Tothedaughter]Youwantacab,doyou?
THEDAUGHTER
Dontdareeaktome.
THEMOTHER
Oh,please,pleaseClara.[Herdaughterrepudiatesherwithanangryshrugandretireshaughtily.]Weshouldbesogratefultoyou,sir,ifyoufoundusacab.[Thenotetakerproducesawhistle].Oh,thankyou.[Shejoiherdaughter].
Thenotetakerblowsapiercingblast.
THESARCASTICBYSTANDER
There!Iknowedhewasaplain-clothescoer.
THEBYSTANDER
Thataintapolicewhistle:thatsaortingwhistle.
THEFLOWERGIRL
[stillpreoccupiedwithherwoundedfeelings]Heorighttotakeawaymycharacter.Mycharacteristhesametomeasanylady’s.
THENOTETAKER
Idontknowwhetheryouvenoticedituttheraitoedabouttwominutesago.
THEBYSTANDER
❣Soithas.Whydidntyousaysobefore?anduslosingourtimelisteningtoyoursilline.[HewalksofftowardstheStrand].
THESARCASTICBYSTANDER
Icantellwhereyoucomefrom.YoucomefromAnwell.Gobackthere.
THENOTETAKER
[helpfully]Hanwell.
THESARCASTICBYSTANDER
[affectinggreatdistinctionofeech]Thenkyou,teacher.Hawhaw!Solong[hetoucheshishatwithmockreectandstrollsoff].
THEFLOWERGIRL
Frighteningpeoplelikethat!Howwouldhelikeithimself.
THEMOTHER
It’squitefinenow,p>
THEDAUGHTER
Butthecab--[hermotherisoutofhearing].Oh,howtiresome![Shefollowsangrily].
Alltheresthavegoneexceptthenotetaker,thegentleman,andtheflowergirl,whositsarrangingherbasket,andstillpityingherselfinmurmurs.
THEFLOWERGIRL
Poorgirl!Hardenoughforhertolivewithoutbeingworritedandchivied.
THEGENTLEMAN
[returningtohisformerplaceonthenotetaker’sleft]Howdoyoudoit,ifImayask?
THENOTE✘TAKER
Simplyphonetics.Thescienceofeech.Thatsmyprofeion:alsomyhoy.Hayisthemanwhocanmakealivingbyhishoy!YoucaotanIrishmanoraYorkshiremayhirogue.Icalaceanymanwithiixmiles.IcalacehimwithintwomilesinLondon.Sometimeswithintwostreets.
THEFLOWERGIRL
Oughttobeashamedofhimself,unmanlycoward!
THEGENTLEMAN
Butistherealivinginthat?
THENOTETAKER
Ohyes.Quiteafatone.Thisisanageofutarts.MeegininKentishTownwith?0ayear,andendiarkLanewithahundredthousand.TheywanttodropKentishTowuttheygivethemselvesawayeverytimetheyopentheirmouths.NowIcanteachthem--
THEFLOWERGIRL
Lethimmindhisowusineandleaveapoorgirl--
THENOTETAKER
[explosively]Woman:ceasethisdetestableboohooingitantly;orelseseektheshelterofsomeotherplaceofworship.
THEFLOWERGIRL
[withfeebledefiance]IvearighttobehereifIlike,sameasyou.
THENOTETAKER
Awomanwhoutteruchdepreinganddisgustingsoundshaorighttobeanywhere--norighttolive.Rememberthatyouareahumaeingwithasoulandthedivinegiftofarticulateeech:thatyournativelanguageisthelanguageofShakeearandMiltonandTheBible;anddontsittherecrooninglikeabiliouigeon.
THEFLOWERGIRL
[quiteoverwhelmed,andlookingupathiminmingledwonderanddeprecationwithoutdaringtoraiseherhead]Ah-ah-ah-ow-ow-ow-oo!
THENOTETAKER
[whiingouthiook]Heave!whatasound![Hewritethenholdsoutthebookandreads,reproducinghervowelsexactly]Ah-ah-ah-ow-ow-ow-oo!
THEFLOWERGIRL
[tickledbytheperformance,andlaughingiiteofherself]Garn!
THENOTETAKER
YouseethiscreaturewithherkertoneEnglish:theEnglishthatwillkeepherintheguttertotheendofherdays.Well,sir,inthreemonthsIcouldpathatgirloffasaducheatanambaador’sgardearty.Icouldevengetheraplaceaslady’smaidorshopaistant,whichrequireetterEnglish.ThatsthesortofthingIdoforcommercialmillionaires.AndontheprofitsofitIdogenuinescientificworkihonetics,andalittleasapoetonMiltoniclines.
THEGENTLEMAN
IammyselfastudentofIndiandialectand--
THENOTETAKER
[eagerly]Areyou?DoyouknowColonelPickering,theauthorofokeacrit?
THEGENTLEMAN
IamColonelPickering.Whoareyou?
THENOTETAKER
HenryHiggi,authorofHiggi’sUniversalAlphabet.
PICKERING
[withenthusiasm]IcamefromIndiatomeetyou.
HIGGI
IwasgoingtoIndiatomeetyou.
PICKERING
Wheredoyoulive?
HIGGI
PICKERING
I’HIGGI
Rightyouare.
THEFLOWERGIRL
[toPickering,ashepaesher]Buyaflower,kindgentleman.I’mshortformylodging.
PICKERING
Ireallyhavntanychange.I’msorry[hegoesaway].
HIGGI
[shockedatgirl’smendacity]Liar.Yousaidyoucouldchangehalf-a-crown.
THEFLOWERGIRL
[risingindeeration]Yououghttobestuffedwithnails,youought.[Flingingthebasketathisfeet]Takethewholebloomingbasketforsixpence.
Thechurchclockstrikesthesecondquarter.
HIGGI
[hearinginitthevoiceofGod,rebukinghimforhiharisaicwantofcharitytothepoorgirl]Areminder.[Heraiseshishatsolemnly;thenthrowsahandfulofmoneyintothebasketandfollowickering].
THEFLOWERGIRL
[pickingupahalf-crown]Ah-ow-ooh![Pickingupacoupleofflori]Aaah-ow-ooh![Pickingueveralcoi]Aaaaaah-ow-ooh![Pickingupahalf-sovereign]Aaaaaaaaaaaah-ow-ooh!!!
FREDDY
[ringingoutofataxicab]Gotoneatlast.Hallo![Tothegirl]Wherearethetwoladiesthatwerehere?
THEFLOWERGIRL
Theywalkedtothebuswhentheraitoed.
FREDDY
Andleftmewithacabonmyhands.Damnation!
THEFLOWERGIRL
[withgrandeur]Neveryoumind,youngman.I’mgoinghomeinataxi.[Shesailsofftothecab.Thedriverputshishandbehindhimandholdsthedoorfirmlyshutagaither.Quiteunderstandinghismistrust,sheshewshimherhandfulofmoney.]Eightpenceaintnoobjecttome,Charlie.[Hegriandopethedoor].AngelCourt,DruryLane,roundthecornerofMicklejohn’soilshop.Leteehowfastyoucanmakeherhopit.[Shegetsinandpullsthedoortowithaslamasthetaxicatarts].
FREDDY
Well,I’mdashed!
