《孔雀东南飞》英语剧本，搞笑版的孔雀东南飞故事。
wanderseveryfivemiles
焦仲卿johnny刘兰芝lunch
焦母johnny’smother刘母lunch’smother
太守之子mayor’sson强盗burglars
prologue本文转自：www.coffbar.com小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影
j:everybodysaysthati’mhenpecked,butinfact,i’masstrongasatiger,whilemy
wifeiswusong.
i’mnotafraidofyou!
then,i’mafraidofwhom?
mywifelunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.sheisbraverthanme,
smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.allthisidonotcare.ionlywanthertobetender
thanme.butsheisnot!havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!
mygod!whocanhelpme?
act1
jm:ican!
lunch!lunch!whereareyou?
l:i’mhere!what’supmum?
jm:i’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland
dearestmother-in-law”.
l:ok.mymostbea✉utifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?
jm:sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so
lazy……
l:but……
jm:neverinterruptme!
l:never ϡinterruptme!sinceimarriedyourson,thatterriblejohnny,ihavebeenworkinghardall
daylong,cookingandwashing.ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken
and……
jm:butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!
l:oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?goandaskyour
son.i’mleaving!
act2
l:mum,i’mback!
lm:youareback?why?whathappened?
l:iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.
lm:see!ihavealreadytoldyou!whenyouinsistedon
marryingthatterriblejohnny,itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten
tome.lookatyourself……
l:but,mum……
lm:neverinterruptme!
l:mum,i’mnotinterruptingyou.ijustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightok?and
i’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.
lm:nicegirl!justnow♫,imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.hesaid:“ifyoudaughter
haven’tbeenmarried,ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”nowyouarefreeagain,i’llgo
andtellhim.
l:what?themayor’sson?themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?whatasillythingihavedone!
act3本文转自：www.coffbar.com小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影
j:lunch❥!lunch!wherearemysocks?
heretheyare! er!howsmelly!theyarestilldirty!
lunchhasgone!ihavetowashthemmyself.
oh,i’msohungry!butthere’snobreakfast!thisiswhatlunchalwayswears!imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!now
shehasgone.ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.
jm:where’smybreakfast?where’slunch?hasn’tshegotupyet?
j:mum,can’tyouremember?lunchhasgone!
jm:well,totellyouthetruthjohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.lunchisanice
girl,goandtakeherback!
j:yesmadam!
act4
a:heyyou!stopandlistentous!
theroadisbuiltbyme!
b:andiplantedonetree!
c:ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---
ab&c:giveusallyourmoney!
j:is1maoenough?
a:whatbadluck!thisguyisbroken!
b:ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!
c:iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarrymissliulanzhinextmonth.wecangoand
robthewedding!
a&b:goodidea!
j:what?what?lunchisgoingtogetmarried?it’simpossible!
ab&c:why?aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!
j:butlunchismywife!wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!
i’vegotanidea!youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?i’llgo
withyou.youtakethemoneyanditakethebride.
b:haveyougotanyexperience?
j:no.buti’vegotthis!
act5本文转自：www.coffbar.com小品剧本，简历封面，免ณ费电影
abc&j:heyyou!stopandlistentous!
a:theroadisbuiltbyme!
b:andiplantedonetree.
c:ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---
j:giveusallyourmoney!
l:johnny!
j:howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向ms冲去）
j:honey,howareyou?
l:ihurtalot!
j:don’tcrybaby.i’llgoandfetchthemedicine.
l:waitforme!
the end
